it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
