If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
