so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
