Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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