Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
