Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
