I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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