the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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