Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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