I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
