C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A+ Viking dick
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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