Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
