just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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