We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
