Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
