Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
