i may or may not be watching the land before time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
