when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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