Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
His nipple licking is glorious
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