My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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