i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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