Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
