guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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