you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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