Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
