woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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