3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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