This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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