I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize