yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
