I think I died a long time ago.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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