based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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