Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
