addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
