Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
