Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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