There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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