so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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