she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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