chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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