I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
