Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
