Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
