just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
