A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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