you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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