Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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