I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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