carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
