Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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