i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
