let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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