you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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