The maid of honor just puked.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
