I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize