You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
