Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
