Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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