Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
