I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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