If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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