We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
