Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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