went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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