Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
