I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize