she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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