Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
