VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
